A little while ago during a conversation with a friend, I remembered this little item and thought I would share it here.  You may have seen it before.  It was written by singer Portia Nelson.  Maybe it will speak to you in the way it challenged me.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost….I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But….it isn’t my fault.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in.  It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Just wanted to mention that I actually do practice what I preach.  I guess you’re wondering what I mean by that, huh?

As a pastor and long-time church attender I have seen a lot of people come and go and I got to the point where I was asking myself – does anybody ever really change?  I know that someone is going to rebuke me for that and start quoting Scripture, and I know what the Bible says.  But the problem is that God’s promises are often conditional.  They require an act of faith/obedience on our part.  And I wonder how often people really do that.

My attempts to answer that question led me into the field of coaching.  And this perspective has changed everything for me.  It’s changing how I lead my church, and how I relate to other people.  And for purposes of this post, I would have to say it changes how I relate to myself.  The answer to my burning question is “it depends.”  The critical thing is – is the person who is trying to change attempting it on their own?  Or are they getting support, encouragement, and accountability?  Truth is, most of the time, lasting change doesn’t happen when the person attempts it on their own.  But when there is a good support system in place – well, let’s just say one can put a thousand to flight and two can put ten thousand to flight.

Before I say anything else, I need to refer back to the last post about SMART goals.  The “S” in smart stands for “specific.”  A goal needs to be clear.  What exactly are you trying to accomplish?  For the sake of accountability with my readers, I am beginning a journey here that will help illustrate the power of goals and coaching in general over the next few months.  So let me be specific and share my goal here:

“I want to lose 64 pounds by August 1.”

There. I said it out loud (kind of).  Notice that I am being specific.  That means I am not saying “I want to lose weight” or “I want to feel better.”  I am telling you exactly what I am going to do.  I am going to lose 64 pounds.  At some point I may renegotiate that goal with myself and decide I underestimated.  Or perhaps I will decide I was too aggressive and need to adjust it to allow more time or less weight loss.  If that happens, I’ll let you know here.  My next post will explain some more of the elements of a SMART goal.  Knowing how to set goals and work towards accomplishing them is an important skill to have – especially in a leadership role.  And, by the way, how do you expect to lead others if you can’t lead yourself?

One more thing.  I am practicing what I preach on the need for support, encouragement, and accountability.  I have a friend that is meeting me at the gym twice a week to lift weights, another friend that is holding me accountable for a daily cardio workout, and another friend who is a coach that is helping me unpack my thoughts and emotions.  You see, I’ve already lost 51 pounds and the truth is I’ve been here before.  This time I have to finish.  And I am going to share the journey with you.  I won’t blog all the time about it.  Just periodic updates and insights that I want to share.

So here I go.

Okay, I know you may have heard this, but I wanted to take a few minutes to give you a refresher on how to set a good goal.  One thing you have to realize is that there is a difference between dreams and goals.  Dreams are free – goals will cost you.  When you were younger (or maybe right now) you might have dreamed to be a professional athlete.  The thing is, you can lay around in your room all day long and do absolutely nothing while you are dreaming that dream.  But if you convert it into a realistic goal, then you will have to take action.  You would have to get up and go practice.  You would actually have to play the sport and find a coach and work hard enough to gain the skills you would need to compete on a professional level.

It is no different when we are talking about leadership issues or ministry goals or anything else in life.  We all have dreams.  The question is, are you willing to convert them into a goal.

So what does a goal look like.  In the field of coaching, we like to talk about SMART goals.  Let me break that down for you.  A SMART goal is:

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Attainable

R – Relevant

T – Time Specific

In the next few posts, we’ll break this down further.  So be thinking of something you want to do and let’s see if we can’t help you turn that dream into a goal that you can actually accomplish!

I just wanted to blog about Real Talk Training.  We did this seminar at River of Life on January 31st, and I am so excited about  what it accomplishes in the lives of the participants.  Real Talk Training is a one-day seminar training individuals in effective interpersonal communication skills.  RTT is an interactive experience including demonstration, practice and constructive feedback.  RTT will equip you to use professional coaching techniques to revolutionize your everyday communications with your family, coworkers, and friends. The transformation is accomplished through interactive training in listening for the deeper meaning, asking questions to open others up, and solving problems permanently by not giving advice (yes – you did hear that last one correctly!)  You’ll learn ways to get a response instead of a reaction, how to jumpstart a significant conversation with anyone, and how to avoid the #1 killer of authentic communication.

Just so you know I am not making this stuff up, let me just share with you what some of the feedback was from the participants:

“This made me think about my own life and made me feel accountable for my own actions.”

“It wasn’t textbook or robotic – it was REAL!  Loved the class!”

“I wish it had been for another day.”

“This seminar exceeded my expectations.  What a blessing!  Well worth the time!”

“I got much more than I expected.”

If you would like information about RTT or would like to host one at your church or place of business, feel free to contact me and we’ll work out the details.

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